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January, 2013

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Strikers, Hackers and Golfers


Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink today finally brought an end to the laziest transfer story in recent years when he roused himself out of his armchair, put on his dressing gown and ambled to central London to sign a six-year contract with fashionable-again West London boutique Chelsea’s of Chelsea. Dutch international Jimmy, with a soothing mug of hot chocolate in his hand, met the press and said: “It’s a very big move and I feel happy with it. I hope to get as high as possible.”

High in terms of league position, you understand. Although no-one would deny the man who scored half of Atletico’s goals last season a celebratory ‘cocktail’ on his return to the league he loves so much. “I had two great years at Leeds and I love that club,” said the man who walked click out on them last summer. “When I left Leeds I had an offer from Chelsea. I wanted to come here but they didn’t want to let me go buying a canada goose jacket online to another English club. So I had to leave to Atletico.”

But now Jimmy has got his all-time dream move of all time. And a small matter of a contract believed to be worth around 60k-a-week. This means that Chris Sutton is likely get 60 reminders a week to sling his hook, and Gianfranco Zola will probably have to pack up his bag of tricks and hitch his way back to Italy. George Weah’s loan is also up and Tore Andre Flo could leave for Leeds. But as far as Jimmy is concerned: “It’s a strong squad at Chelsea with a lot of players.” Stay off the yoghurts Jimmy, that would be our advice.

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The Euro, the Fiver’s extra low-down from the lowlands, brought to you in association with breathe, starts on Monday. To make sure you get it, go here.

Or send a mail to euro2000-request@footballunlimited.co.uk with “subscribe” in the subject line.

If you’ve already subscribed, and you haven’t yet received a welcoming mail from the Euro, then send an email to euro2000-request@footballunlimited.co.uk with ‘You better get this sorted out, or else!’ in the subject line.

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Score with breathe during Euro 2000… great prizes to be won from Monday 5th June.

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Earlier today, everything about England’s pre-Euro 2000 warm-up trip to Malta was going perfectly. Dennis Wise had been bundled into a swimming-pool sized locker for the fourth successive away trip, best fake canada goose jacket while Robbie Fowler was busy in the toilet, eagerly preparing to open up the Saturday night festivities by dropping hundreds of water-filled condoms all over Derek Fazackerley. A traditional boring nil-nil draw in tomorrow’s match and England would be set up perfectly for Euro 2000.

But then Kelvin Koogan strolled in and ripped apart weeks of intricate planning for the biggest booze-fest in Valletta since Napoleon’s troops passed through in 1798. “There is no way my players will be taking it easy in this match,” Koogan promised the press – prompting astonished looks from his squad, who thought that was the whole idea. “I promise it will not can you wash canada goose jacket be like a testimonial and if players perform as if it is then they will be replaced. We have to look at this as another game where we can learn a lot about ourselves.”

And to prove his point, Koogan then named a side close to his first eleven. Nick Barmby, Kevin Phillips and Richard Wright have been given the opportunity to prove themselves, but Koogan is taking the match as seriously as any other. “Football is a competitive game and we will be going in to win the ball,” he said, when asked about his tactics for tomorrow’s game. Not bad when you think the Maltese are known for being a tough-tackling side. Actually, let’s dispense with the journalese – they’re hackers.

England team: Wright, G Neville, P Neville, Campbell, Keown, Wise, Beckham, Scholes, Barmby, Shearer, Phillips.

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“I have put the idea into a safe and I have lost the combination to that safe. Let it stay there in peace” – Sepp Blatter has abandoned the idea of buying canada goose jacket online a World Cup every two years. At least until he finds a safe-cracker.

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Now that Celtic have made Martin O’Neill their manager, what is poor old caretaker boss Kenny Dalglish going to do? Well, obviously he’s going to play a lot golf. A hell of a lot. But what about in-between rounds, will he just hang around Parkhead and get in the way?

“From my own point of view, that’s my spell as interim manager over now,” began Kenny as he obstructed an agitated Irish bloke with some important business to attend to in the corridor. “I’ll be moving back to my original position,” the Director of Football continued, ordering an impatient curly-haired chap to carry his clubs to his car. As he sped off for the sanctuary of the Old Course, he was heard to shout: “I hope Martin’s time at the club is very successful.”

So it looks like everything’s back to normal at Celtic. But what of poor canada goose coat – kensington old left-behind Leicester? Fans still reeling from O’Neill’s departure were served another body blow today when Steve Walsh revealed he would put himself and Tony Cottee forward as a management dream ticket. “When a manager departs it doesn’t always benefit the club to bring in a new face,” explained Walsh, reading verbatim from ‘Manage This, Relegate That’, the best-selling self-help guide by top executive guru David Platt.

“I believe that myself and Tony are as capable as anyone of keeping this team together and on the road Martin has put us on,” the stalwart defender said, almost believing it himself. “I will be confirming my intention as soon as possible to the chairman of my and Tony’s intention to apply for the roles can you machine wash canada goose jacket of manager and assistant manager.” Ah well, it was good while it lasted.

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Leeds are interested in signing Lee Hendrie from Aston Villa. “I’ve heard a few things about it”, the 5m-rated midfielder said today. “I don’t know for sure what’s happening because I’ve been away from home and I’m not too sure how far it has gone. I will have to see what the manager says first.”

Southampton, West Ham and Coventry are scrapping it out to bring another Moroccan international to the Premiership. All three clubs want to sign central defender Abdullah Saber from Sporting Lisbon, although the lure of Big Cup football (Sporting are Portuguese champions) could be enough to keep him at can you wash a canada goose parka the club.

Middlesbrough are reported to have agreed terms with Christian Karembeu over his proposed move to the Riverside. The transfer could be completed over the weekend. Earlier today a club spokesman confirmed: “We have declared an interest in the player.”

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A top Uefa official has attacked the British government for not banning can i wash my canada goose coat hooligans from travelling to Euro 2000. Egidius Braun, who is chairman of the organising committee for Euro 2000 and president of the German FA, said: “The German government are not only taking passports off known hooligans but they will also be obliged to report to the police station every day during the championships. I think it is not the best idea that they are not doing anything in England.”

Darlington will have one league point deducted next season if there is any repeat of the incident in which one of their fans attacked a opposition player. The club pleaded guilty today to a charge of failing to control their spectators towards the end of a Third Division match with Shrewsbury on April 5.

Bradford will play either Turkish side Kocaelispor or FK Atlantas of Lithuania in the second round of the Intertoto Cup.

Dutch midfielder Edgar Davids is recovering quickly from an ingrowing toenail and should be fit to play in Holland’s opening Euro 2000 match.

Barcelona’s Brazilian forward Rivaldo has pledged his future to the club – if they decide they want to keep him. Lazio were reported to be leading the chase for a player valued at around $50 million but Rivaldo insisted: “If Barcelona want me in the team then I’ll stay.”

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History Channel: The Tsar’s Faberge Eggs (7pm)

No football at all on television or radio tonight. We like the sound of this, though.

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McClaren seizes complete control

Steve McClaren was shouting his head off yesterday morning. Long streams of instructions issued from his mouth. It was not the usual McClaren – neither the man who, eyes down, makes his way distrustfully through press conferences; nor the coach-as-thinker who many, including bookmakers, say will be managing England this time next year.

No, this was McClaren on the Middlesbrough training ground putting theory into practice. “And we all do it together, not like last week,” he told Juninho, Gaizka Mendieta and, particularly forcefully, the Boro back four.

McClaren was back in his element. The training ground is his domain and there was glee on his face when he sat beside Mendieta afterwards and explained that this eye-catching transfer was sealed on Lazio’s training ground. “It was an interesting experience,” McClaren beamed, “there were discs all over the place.” Learn any new tricks? “No, but I looked at some other players.” He spoke to at least one of them – Jaap Stam. He also spoke to Mendieta, and Middlesbrough clinched their first major signing after a frustrating summer.

The Spaniard, Black Prada Bag Mission Impossible before he has kicked a ball, immediately gives Boro something they lack: profile. That matters in today’s global football world. After Mendieta’s unveiling yesterday lunchtime McClaren was quickly upstairs doing a television interview to be broadcast across Asia, the Far East and beyond.

“I’m delighted,” McClaren said Amazon Uk Prada Bags of Mendieta. “There was a lot of work behind the scenes and it just shows how ambitious the club is. Gaizka is a fantastic player, a world-class player. This is a massive signing for us, on a par with Juninho the first time. There was a lot of publicity asking: ‘Have Middlesbrough lost the ambition?’ Gaizka is as ambitious as us, he could have played safe and gone back to Spain but he has taken up a fresh challenge.”

The same can be said of McClaren, even two years down the line. This is a big season for the 42-year-old. England is watching. It is his third season on Teesside and McClaren at last looks to be in control of the club’s culture, one of his primary aims. Hands-on participation in transfers like Mendieta’s has helped.

“You’re never in complete control,” McClaren said in reference to transfers and Middlesbrough. “There are adverse factors and football and finance have to marry. At times you’re going to have different opinions but certainly what has happened as the summer has gone on is that I have become more involved in the actual process of the transfer. I’ve actually been involved in the courting and it has given me a better perspective.

“Yes, I feel I own it [the club’s culture]. We’re getting there. I don’t Agatha Ruiz Dela Prada Book Bags think we’re there yet. I said when I first came it’s a five-year process and we’ve only been here two years. There have been massive changes in those two years but unless you’re actually in here and can see it you don’t fully understand it. But it’s not ideal yet, I can’t stand here and say I’m at where I want to be. I’m impatient, I like things to happen yesterday – that’s the type of person I am. That will never stop, we are certainly not the finished article.

“When Bobby Robson went to Newcastle in his first two seasons I think he finished 11th and 11th Authentic Prada Trainers – it took him that time to turn around 34 players and get to where Newcastle are now. That was done with financial backing, that’s how you get there. In similar circumstances we finished 12th and 11th and we need to go on. We’ve established something, a very young, very good squad that will be together for the next three years at least. So there isn’t going to be major buying – if there is it will be to recruit the top players who can take you into the top four. But that is major, major investment. What we’ve done is to Best Prada Outlet Italy invest to get into that mid-table bracket. From there the question is: Where do you want to go?”

Middlesbrough will find out more about where they are going tomorrow afternoon when Arsenal visit. Arsenal were the first opponents of McClaren’s at the Riverside. Straight from Manchester United, McClaren was in for a shock. The score pradasg.com was 0-4 and the effect on Boro was such that they then lost at Bolton and Everton and were thumped 4-1 at home by Newcastle. McClaren may have been part of England’s 5-1 victory in Munich in the midst of that run but this was his first managerial job and domestic questions were starting to be asked.

What has been done since is that the squad has been transformed, the wage bill slashed, the average age cut from 30 to 24. The club has stabilised. But even now McClaren remembers those initial doubts. During a relaxed chat in the canteen upstairs at the training ground at the end of last season McClaren was candid about that time. The whole first season was so traumatic to him that he would gladly have left for Leeds after David O’Leary had been sacked.

“What you need is everybody rowing in the same direction as you,” McClaren said then. “You could say that six months into Authentic Prada Messenger Bag For Sale my career here not everybody was rowing in the same direction. Now I know two years on everybody is rowing in the same direction. I’m a lot more comfortable sat here two years into my management career knowing I got through those first four games.”

There have been recent suggestions, however, that the comfort level has decreased as Boro have failed to bring in players such as Trevor Sinclair. The club captain Gareth Southgate was a dissatisfied figure by the end of last season and last Saturday’s 3-2 defeat at Fulham will have done little to convince him that Middlesbrough will have an uplifting season. But McClaren stressed harmony yesterday. Are Prada Handbags Cheaper In Italy

“There’s been speculation about us missing out on players, Authentic Prada Bags For Cheap that maybe the finances weren’t there. But there have been a few occasions this summer Amazon Uk Prada Bags when it was we who Best Prada Outlet In Milan said ‘maybe this deal isn’t right for this football club in the long term’. I think signing Mendieta has proved that. The chairman has backed us over Mendieta and who knows over the next week who else we can bring in? We’re all rowing in the same direction.”

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